well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
