Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
