i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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