i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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