he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
