I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
oh god the rape fog is back!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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