I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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