She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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