meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I looked at my own cervix.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
