Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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