Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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