A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
