I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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