I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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