i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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