I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
