if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
birth control should be required to get into college
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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