cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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