it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
