i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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