This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I looked at my own cervix.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
