I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
