Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You ruined the universe
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
