so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
