Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
