Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
