Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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