The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
