i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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