I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
