I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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