Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
