we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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