So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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