Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
