I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
