Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
