Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
