I showed him my bush... on skype.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
