Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
