just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I believe in your delicious
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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