I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
