come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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