So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
