my vag is so smooth its legendary
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
