Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
false alarm. still invincible.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
