Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
