69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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