There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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