sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My vagina just recognized that song.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
