i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
