Me too!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
