This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
